
Hello RaiderNation! Let me say right away that this article is a satirical piece, meant purely to make you laugh. Anything in this article should be taken with a grain of salt. Let’s get right to it.
McDaniel’s Plan
Josh:
Well Dave, everything seems to be going right on plan. We’ve gotten rid of almost everyone from the previous regime and have brought in a good number of our own guys. The draft went really well and I think the defense will really improve this year.
Dave:
But Josh, we hired Jimmy Glassoppolo with a bad foot to be our QB and there is no guarantee he will be able to start or even play this season. You waited until the 4th round to take a QB in the draft from Purdue. Mark Davis is not the smartest man in the world, but he surely won’t continue putting up with losing season after losing season.
Josh:
Look Dave, you have us covered if JimmyG can’t play this year with a brilliant move in his contract he sure as hell didn’t expect to see. But there is a method to my madness. As far as Aidan goes, remember I can turn a high school QB into an All Pro! But there weren’t any QB’s in this past years’ draft that shook my fancy. Oh sure, there was the kid out of Alabama, but he was just too damn short. I mean, he isn’t even as tall as my son Jack was in 7th grade. No, I didn’t really want any of them. But next year!
Dave:
Next year? We would have to pick in the top two to have a chance. Do you have any idea how many teams will be tanking for them?
Josh:
And if they get caught tanking, they will lose their pick. Let them tank. If they tank good enough to get one of the top two picks, they are gonna get caught.
Dave:
Ok Josh, so how are you going to not be caught tanking?
Josh:
Because I have the perfect plan. You see it all started with us cutting Carr and signing Garoppolo with your brilliant last minute addition to his contract. You see, we are not going to have to pay him a cent.
Dave:
But that would mean he would have to fail his physical and they expect him to be healthy before then.
Josh:
We are gonna make sure he doesn’t. I have a deal in place with some of the girls in the bunny club to get them jobs as Raiderettes if they can get him drunk one night before the season starts and accidentally drop something heavy on his foot. We can write him off the books and owe him nothing. With Carr apologizing to RaiderNation, everyone will blame him for how the season went last year, and with Josh Jacobs trying to win one for all running backs, he is going to write this year off when we don’t offer him a big contract. I can’t believe that kid actually thinks he can do something about how running backs get paid! Anyway, we are gonna be stuck without our QB and without our star running back, nobody is going to expect us to win games. It is the perfect plan because nobody will know it was a plan.
Dave:
Well, I have to admit Josh, it sounds like you have things pretty well thought out. What are we going to do about Tae? I am getting a little tired of him saying how he doesn’t always agree with us.
Josh:
I have been thinking about that as well. I figure Cardinals are the only other team besides us with a top 2 pick, so I figure we trade them Tae, and throw in Renfrow for good measure for the 1st round pick and we draft that kid out of Ohio State. What’s his name? Oh yeah, Marvin Harrison Jr. So we pull off a double pick like Houston did this year, nab Caleb Williams and Marvin Harrison Jr., and we will be on our way to the Superbowl in no time!
Dave:
Well Josh it does make sense that nobody would think this was a planned tank job. In fact, they would be more likely to feel sorry for us for everything you are planning for us to go through. But if this falls through, I am not gonna take the rap for you. I won’t claim to have any knowledge of it, but I am not going down with the ship. That is gonna be on you. Let’s just hope that doesn’t happen!
Josh:
I’ll drink to that my friend!!
Well RaiderNation, I hope you enjoyed this silly little article. As I mentioned right at the beginning, it was meant to bring you a laugh and nothing more. Be sure and leave us a comment below. From OldTimer to my Raider brethren, Peace Out!!